If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
