I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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