Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
