Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Quick, to the slutcave!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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