Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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