My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
