She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
