What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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