you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
