My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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