How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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