So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
