I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
