And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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