i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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