so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
