If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
