The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
