I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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