His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
