WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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