dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
