i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
