people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
