I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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