I just threw up on my dentist
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
