taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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