hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
