He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
