Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
