Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
