I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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