My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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