I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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