I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
