By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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