why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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