I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
