your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
