like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
