Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is the high leading the old right now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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