its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
