Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My life is pants optional.
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