I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
