Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
