her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
