i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
