I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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