Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
