Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
