I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize