I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
