Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
