she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
