I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
