OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
