Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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