it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
