fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
