Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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