Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky