you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
