Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
