some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
