Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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