can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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