im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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