when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
