that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
