addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
