this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
