yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
