he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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