Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
