i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
