i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
