i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
