can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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