I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
