I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
