in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
