So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
