I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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