Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
